Knotts Berry Farm

what a great day! First time I got to see Tyler with his meds at their peak, and we had a birthday party at Knotts! He listened, wasn't bouncing all over the place,but still impulsive, especially when it came to the cupcakes, a few little quirky things, like random stimming, in his own world, out of no where, but they passed.Alot of the Mom's noticed his behaviour, and as long as my son wasn't like a zomby, still his sweet charming self, I was good with it.. At Knotts he still the sweet happy boy, just a little more intense. Maybe his thoughts are clearer?
Wow, what a great party, and so generous! It is like one big happy family, alot of my friends from the autism community. I felt accepted, and not judged. Of course in the park, it's a different story. We have the special passes, and we get in through the exit, don't have to wait in line, so many people get mad. But they don't understand, I'll give them that.....believe me,I wish my son didn't have to deal with autism, and not have all these challenges, so this is a nice little perk of autism, thank you very much, stare all you want!

lovely lovely day, and my sweet angel of a boy is sleeping, and hopefully having beautiful dreams!

Oh, and I had a great break through with my anxiety. I was at dinner with my friend, and I got the shakes all over, nervous ness, and I told myself, oh, I forgot to take my med last night,(thanks Dr O) and in my head, cussed out the anxiety, and it passed! Pat on back for me. Anxiety sucks, and I am really working on it! My aches and pains, I just say, lose weight, they will go away! In my mind, the anxiety started me thinking bad thoughts, and again, I thought it out, breathed in and out, and thought how much my boy needs me to take care of him, and controlled the anxiety....it's a work in progress, and I know I will beat it!

peace out!!

Medication day 4

well,last night I was ready to take Tyler off of medication. As a Mom I try to make right decisions. Always what is best for Tyler. The meds are working great at school according to the teachers. At home, Tyler is more emotional, agitated, and isn't sleeping enough. 5 hrs a night, last few days, compared to usual 9. But he wakes up happy, yet very antsy. The psychiatrist said we are gonna focus on his impulsiveness, focus, and hyperactivity. Well, at home, these are still challenges. But his teacher said, look at all the changes in his life right now. This week, he had subs for in home therapy, his Dad isn't here every day, like he was the last few weeks, so I am going to be patient. I ask myself, was Tyler so bad before? Maybe some redirection? Is focussing in school going to make him a better student? Autism is behaviours.... I work on that every day. Yet when it comes to academics, my son is very behind. He doesn't color in the lines, trace or write his name. He will need these skills. But he also needs to learn appropriate behaviour like don't drop your pants in the park to go pee. I really try to live day to day, but when I think 10 yrs from now when my son is an adult, what then? Decisions today can affect his future. A little overwhelming, alot on our shoulders. I just want to protect my son from all the bad in the world, I odn't want him to be made fun of, yet he doesn't know when someone is, it hurts me way more then it does him, because he doesn't get it. Maybe the meds will make him more aware of this, more clear, understanding more. Is this really a good thing? Reality can really such huh? Anyways, will talk to Tylers doctor Monday, and try to be open minded. I just hate my kid is like a science project right now..... :(

to medicate or not!

well, day two of medicating Tyler. His teacher is very happy. I'm cautious. I feel like my poor son is under a micro scope. He is doing this weird thing, started yesterday, pinching me, very light, then like pinching the air. In the car, he started the talking to the hand thing. Took him to Walmart, about 3:30pm, he ran away from me, FAST! He did not listen well at all. So, is the medicine working for the school day, and not after school? Is this typical Tyler, or Tyler coming down from the meds? The lil guy is really stimming alot today. Like a nervousness. His OCD is kicked up a notch, he is obessed with these three soaps I bought from Avon. He opens them, smells, and they have to be lined up. Yes, my kid is quirky, different. I need to accept that. With the medicine, am I trying to change my son? I don't know, still beating myself up a bit about it. It does make me sad that my son has so many challenges in this life, but again, I realize, that's reality. We tend to baby our special needs kids, it's mom instinct to protect them. Like my friend told me today, this is reality, maybe the medicine is gettng him out of the bubble he was in, the happy sweet child, nothing bothers him, and he is feeling more, aware of more things....hmmmm..........it's a thought...remember that movie, reality sucks!! I guess nothing worth having, weather it be peace of mind, a more focussed kid, a healthy life, is easy! ..anyways, kinda non eventful today, he is in ABA responding well, listening, with a whine, but that is nothing unusual. He cried when we drove past Pepe's, and I said beans, he said, beans.! I went back, and got him a bean and cheese burrito, and he slammed it! Most kids lose their appetite on this med, not mine! Again, my kid beats to a different drum! I love him for that, always keeps this old Mama on her toes!!

starting medication, day 1

well, tyler finally started his medication for his "adhd" behaviours. The teachers, his speech, and ot all said he was more attentive and focused. come about 4:30, a bit less,when aba started, and whinier than usual, but again, there was a substitute. he wasn't hungry at regular time, but about 5:30, he ate good. we took a walk, with tutor, and he did ok. then he wanted to go to neighbors, char, randomly. He was upset when we came home, and kept looking outside. hard to know if meds, or he is just wanting to go outside. He was crying, and hitting his head, I feel more aggressive than usual.and Adjitated.... After about 10 minutes of crying, his Dad asked if he wanted to go for a ride, he got up, and put on his shoes....soo...day 1...patience....I will not deal with this every day...i want my sweet hyper boy back! like his Dad said, maybe he has more new feelings then he knows how to deal with. More clearer, noticing more, but bottom line is I am with him every day, so, I will keep track on his progress, and see how it goes, and again, my shoulders are heavy, deciding on what is best for my son.....ho hum......isn't autism enough to deal with, geez!!!!!!!!!!!